Healthy Conversations With Your Parent Start Here

Learn how to have healthy conversations with your parent to restore peace to your relationship.

When you dedicate so much time and energy to caring for a senior parent, it’s natural for other relationships to take a back seat. After all, there are only 24 hours in a day, and you can only spread yourself so thin. This can lead to additional stress, hurt feelings, and misunderstandings.

The key to overcoming this hurdle is communication. It means having healthy conversations with your parent that may be uncomfortable but allow the opportunity to air grievances, share feelings, and ultimately reinforce the love you have for each other.

Kicking Off a Courageous Conversation

First, know that a planned, formal meeting isn’t necessary for a conversation to be effective. It can be a quick chat while waiting for the coffee to brew. It should not, however, be a triggered response to a stress-inducing incident. Plan to talk about an issue before the stress has a chance to build up to an explosive level (or after you’ve had the chance to calm down).

Here’s an example scenario and how to incorporate a courageous conversation. You’ve noticed your mom becoming withdrawn and frustrated because of the dementia-related behaviors your dad is experiencing. He now needs more day-to-day support, and you know things can’t continue like this—but starting the conversation feels overwhelming.

Start by taking a few minutes to reflect using this quick assessment:

1. What are each of us thinking and feeling?
2. What goals do we want to accomplish from this conversation?
3. What do we need from each other?
4. What do we have to give and receive?
5. What do we want each other to know?

Be sure to include in your assessment the feelings of the person receiving care—your dad—as well. Try to consider, before the cognitive decline, what your dad would have wanted for your mom and for the rest of the family.

Using this framework allows space for honesty and vulnerability. It creates a moment for you and your mom to listen to one another with empathy and respect. The goal isn’t to “win” the conversation—it’s to understand each other and work together toward a plan that supports everyone’s needs, including your own.

Is It Better Left Unsaid?

You may feel as though it’s better to maintain status quo than to risk upsetting a family member by initiating a difficult conversation. And certainly, situations may arise that are best resolved through another means, such as by talking with a professional counselor to unravel your thoughts and feelings before approaching someone else with them. As a general rule of thumb, however, nothing beats open, honest communication to allow you and those you care about to better understand each other.

Let a Hired Hands Homecare caregiver help you carve out time for the conversations you need with other family members by providing skilled, professional in-home care for the older adult you love. Contact us at (866) 940-4343 to learn more about our home care in Novato, Petaluma, San Rafael, and throughout the Bay Area.